So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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