He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Randomize
