I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
