escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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