Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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