I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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