he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
