it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
