if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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