I wannas sexs uuuuu
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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