I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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