I want to have your abortion
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
