just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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