but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize