Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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