xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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