It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize