Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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