wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
