i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
3 2 1 whiskey
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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