I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
