call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
