I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
