so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
