i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
