Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
