My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
