I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
