I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize