Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
