I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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