Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
