You're so nebulous sometimes
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
