Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
