You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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