my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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