apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
