More tranny stories later!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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