does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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