Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
