just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
