I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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