What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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