How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
