I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
