how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
