You just made me feel so damn special
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
