I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just pee around me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
tell me about the fingering
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