I wish I could teleport
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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