You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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