Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
