hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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