I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
