Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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