I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
