That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
