I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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