There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
