There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
