Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
