I have demons in me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
