He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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