just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
