Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize