i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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