The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
