where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
