It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
